Snow Days

Something odd happened tonight. I had the sudden urge to go outside and play in the snow. Now, growing up, that would have been common place. I probably couldn't wait to run outside and jump in the fresh snow. Only after being bundled up by my mother of course. I don't remember too many specific memories in the snow besides being at my grandmothers or sledding in the backyard. But I know I enjoyed it back then. That is something I've lost with age. Maybe everyone does.

It most likely has to do with being an adult. I'm responsible for getting my car cleared off and making sure there is a walk way so I can take my dog out. Who seems to be hating the snow more and more in his old age as well.

When I came up the stairs to enter the apartment, I stopped when I first got in the door. Something wasn't right. Then it hit me. I'm not a kid anymore.

I remember the "procedure" for coming inside from being out in the snow. My mother would promptly stop me at the door. Send me back out onto the front porch where she would grab the broom. She would say "turn"! I would then slowly turn around in clockwise circles while she brushed all the snow off me. Or enough to at least let me in the house. Then I would take off my snowy clothes. That's when I'd start to feel my skin get all warm. Sometimes with pins and needles. So warm it almost hurt. Like a sun burn. I remember getting into sweats and sitting in front of the television to recover from those adventures in the snow. Those were good days.

I realized how funny I must have looked. when in my first 3 steps outside I totally slipped on the wet packy snow and fell onto my side. I didn't jump right up and dust myself off and look around to see if anyone had seen me. I genuinely laughed at myself laying there in the drive way on my back and then when sitting on my knees.

However, that fun didn't last when I realized I should probably brush off my car so that in the morning it won't take me an hour. It didn't however, stop me from wishing for a snow day tomorrow.

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, my beard full of water droplets from the snow that had minutes before been there. I didn't notice my red cold cheeks until after. I noticed that I hadn't been out in the snow for a long time. Even if it was only for 20 minutes or so, and my hands hurt from not wearing gloves. It was something that I had lost. A little Peter Pan complex maybe? Have I forgotten how to have fun? Have I really gotten that old? It's the sad truth. But, yes. I have.

I guess you lose a little of your magic as time goes on. I'm not OK with that, so, I think I'm going to try and get some of it back.

The Perils of being an adult.

There is a strange sadness i've had to rediscover over the past decade or so of my life. But only every few years.(thankfully)The sensation of having to sleep in your own bed again after not having slept in it on a regular basis for say in this case, 5 + months.

It's as if you're just finding out that you've never really liked your bed. In fact, you down right loathe your bed. But, ironically enough, you'll be spending all your free time for the next few months hibernating in it. It's a love-hate relationship we all go through. How is the one thing we hate so much the first thing we run to in the depths of our sadness or heart brokeness?

It's simple. We all need to feel loved, and somehow. Even a crappy bed provides a slight amount of comfort when we need it most.

I just said something to a friend the other day that I found to be rather profound for me, It's on the topic of relationships. She thought she was too damaged from past relationships to be any good at them anymore. This is what I told her.

"Maybe you don't have to be good at them with the right person. Maybe they're just good for you at that point"

I had never thought about it like that. People walk around with baggage all the time. It weighs them down, it makes it hard for them to have effective relationships when all they really need to do is just be in one. The healing will happen. It's just how open you are to the healing that matters. Hmmm That is something to think about.

It's hard being an adult sometimes. It has tendency to sneak up on us, especially when we least expect it. I recently became an uncle. Me! an uncle. That kind of blew my mind. I recall sitting at the table talking to my close friend. Then it hit me. We had been at that same table in her parents kitchen 10 years earlier doing the same exact thing. I asked her mother if she found it strange. She said something to the effect of "well, you were kids then, and now you're all grown up. But, you're still kids to me" I found that some what appropriate.

Being an adult means you make the right decisions (or try to). You stand up for what you believe in and you treat people right. At least, I think that is what it is supposed to feel like. But, as I near the age of 30 I feel like i'm no better off than my parents where when I was a little kid. My parents were 30 when I was 5ish. That is scary. I can't imagine even having a baby let alone a 5 year old.

Am I truly getting old?

The Beginning...

Is this where I introduce this blog and talk about myself?


The idea came to me the other day to actually start a blog. I read them from time to time and I guess I always looked at them with a kind of "pedestal" type view. I thought, wow! these people really have something to say. I should pay attention.

But, I think in creating one, it isn't that much more different than a livejournal or an opendiary. Both of which I have used for many years. Is this going to be a long tweet? One may never know.

I guess I just wanted to feel like a grown up. Grown ups write blogs right? Hmmm I'll soon find out. Is me abandoning my moniker of 12+ years (strangebirdsir) a sign that i'm ready to move on? I once read that changing your screen name was about the same as changing your social security number. I couldn't agree more. Is this my "new side project" ? Am I cheating on my band? Myself? haha I guess we'll have to see.

I'm realizing that this first entry has taken multiple days to get out and it is still no better than when it first started. I guess it's one of those times where it feels good just to talk about nothing. I hope that this blog will have more than that going forward. I have visions of reviews and indepth and introspective rants. All those typical things you'd think of a blog containing. I think the word Blog by itself is appealing in some way.

To sum this up. I am just someone that is writing what is going on. It's nothing new, it's nothing original. This is for me to find an outlet that is less harsh than a pen and paper. I will update often, and then not at all. I come and go. I get excited about things and forget about them just as fast.

thank you if you've made it this far.