Old Vs. New

Different cities have different sounds, different smells and for me, different allergic reactions. I found myself a few hours west this morning. Waking up to the sounds of birds, light traffic but notably, birds. Now, i'm not just talking about one robin in the tree chirping away. If my ear were as tuned as say, my mother or grandmother, I could have picked out at least 10 different kinds of birds talking. Even now as I sit in the living room in front of the window I'm hearing something that rarely I get a chance to enjoy... Nature.

In my city, you get crows, hundreds and hundreds of them black out the sky at certain times of the year. They pick different spots to land in, drive the locals crazy and surely cause more than one concerned citizen to march down to the local town hall meeting to vent their frustrations. But here, you have a crazy thing. An almost perfect combination of City and well, mother nature.

I won't say that I've been all over the country, my travels have been limited to mostly the north east and a little south. But in a city setting, I think they do a great job of keeping it pretty and inventive while still making it fun. Lots of parks, trees, grass, museums, culture and a variety of eateries; and if you're into it, bars and bars and bars.

I find that while every place needs work, they are actively and intelligently going about making this place welcoming and enjoyable.

Now, if they could just get rid of all these one way streets and make it so that I can remember how to navigate the city without my GPS. That would be spectacular.

The Road

I've been known to be a number of things. I'm sure if any of the people that know me, or know of me were asked, they'd all have different responses. The one thing I am not known as is a person who likes to drive. However, I find myself doing this on a weekly basis and for long stretches.

I do a 90 - 120 minute drive about once a week. Now, you're probably saying that it doesn't seem like a lot, but for me it is. I have this tendency to fall asleep. My brain decides that it's had enough and it shuts off. This isn't recommended for late night driving. But, I find myself in the situation of having to pull over into a rest stop and sleeping for a few hours in my car. I actually kind of love this. If I don't have to work in the morning, I'll stretch out and sleep a full 8 hours. I'm fine with it. It's actually refreshing. I feel like I'm a long distance driver when this happens. Even if it's a 2 hour drive. But, over the years, these little sleep breaks have saved my life many a time.

There is something about driving at night on the road that is strange. When you're alone and it's just you and music and the yellow line and the reflectors guiding your way. It's so silent and almost like a blanket that has been put over you. It can all seem very erie. There is nothing but black and it's like a vacuum. It sucks up all the light and makes everything seem like it is skewed in some way. You'd be surprised how many shadows there are at 2am in the middle of nowhere. You'd be surprised at how many things shine when your headlights hit them. It's a totally different world.

I don't know why I find myself in these situations as often as I do. But, I'm sure they're all worth it. Whatever I'm driving to or from must be pretty great.

Growing Up - Meeting Yourself (again)

There is no doubt in my mind that aging is difficult for some people, I remember the first time I realized I was getting old. I turned 30... Now, most people say "that's not old, you're still young"; I know that I'm young still. But, it doesn't mean that I don't feel as if I've hit a wall when it comes to my age. One of my favorite quotes is "I'm on the wrong side of 25"

I remember being in a meeting at work and they brought out a card and cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. There was a big glittery 30 on the card. That is when it hit me. I'm not in my twenties, I'm an adult. I have to be a grown up. I'm mature (sort of) and where do I go from here?

I always told my best friend (who is 7 years younger than me) that she would wake up someday and feel like a completely different person. As if falling asleep and waking up again had changed her somehow. It's happened to me a few times. You get to a point in your life where things don't matter anymore, or they start to matter. You look at things differently and it's beautiful and tragic all at once. But, it doesn't mean it's not you. You're simply growing up, changing, becoming the person you really are.

I've been lucky enough to have a strong sense of self for most of my life. I've never really questioned myself or wanted to be different. I like who I am. Honestly, I think I'm pretty great. I find my morals and my opinions to be top notch and I wouldn't trade knowing myself for anything.

I have a friend who I feel is struggling to find herself again. I wonder if she's too worried about what everyone else thinks, and casts aside how she feels. I worry that she wants to be something she may never be. I understand that women and men are different in the aging process. But, if you haven't found yourself or let yourself change over time. Then how do you know what you should be evolving into as a person?

I guess that is for each of us to answer ourselves.